Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the condom got lost in my hair
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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