she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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