You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
