I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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