the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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