shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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