jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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