some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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