Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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