how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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