Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
