also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
