If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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