i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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