JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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