i love accidental penises.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
