Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
