Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
