literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
