if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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