so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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