I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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