I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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