i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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