Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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