toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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