Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
