i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
