she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
