Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
