I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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