what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just pee around me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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