he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
