Will you blow on my dice?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
