I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
