get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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