Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and she was petting her beer can
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
