right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
