and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
