they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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