11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
