I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
