he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
