The maid of honor just puked.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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