I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
