I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
