Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
