Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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