Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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