saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We left the knife in your bed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize