Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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