so that wasnt chicken after all
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
