So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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