dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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