at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
