that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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