Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.