Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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