when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
look no pants
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
