Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(713): View more from Texas

never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.

Fav 24 1384 4341
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

Fav 79 7983 888
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(812): View more from Indiana

I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated

Fav 6 1174 3565
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile

Fav 5 2586 1518
share tweet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(812): View more from Indiana

Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

Fav 13 4519 1330
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".

Fav 7 3490 1016
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(413): View more from Massachusetts

i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt

Fav 4 1767 877
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.

Fav 2 632 472
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.

Fav 1 165 235
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT