i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told you penises don't tan
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.