its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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