I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
