my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
