Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
