This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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