as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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