P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
