so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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