Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
