remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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