If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
