im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
