So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
