I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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