What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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