god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
